1408

1408. What is it? Is it the number of timed I yawned during this movie? No. That was 1876. Was it the number of times I considered killing myself during the opening scene? No. That was 413. So, what is 1408? 1408 is yet another eerily creepy movie with John Cusack, not unlike Identity.

Firstly, the first room he stays in is petite. It is beyond small. It is beyond tiny. It is made for hobbits. It is made for tiny people.

John Cusack is getting fat dot dot dot, and weird. He is becoming the chubby Jeff Goldblum of the acting world. He is bordering on portly. I really like the 1980’s dramatic episode of Miami Vice music. It makes for a very interesting mood.

Slow start. Thus far, I am thinking of ending my life and becoming one of the things that Mike Enslin writes about.

I like the allusion to the terrible past. They’re definitely not going to bring that up again… nor will they mention Lily. Am I right? No, I’m not. I’m wrong. I hate when a movie brings up something absolutely terrible, and then fails to actually divulge immediately what the “f” just happened. I want them to say “Remember what happened to Lily? Yeah, back when she tried to kill herself or when you beat the shit out of her.”

Samuel L. Jackson is a scary son of a bitch. He is terrifying. He has creepy eyebrows. He has a great voice. I really wanted him to shout out “I’m tired of these muthufuckin ghosts in this muthufuckin hotel!”

Great cinematography in this one. The movie looks and, after you get past the first 15 minutes, sounds absolutely real. It is quick. It jumps when it needs to, sits when it doesn’t have to and generally moves along much as it should. You begin to feel very calm and very much at ease with the entire thing. It looks as though nothing out of the ordinary will possibly occur, and then out of nowhere, nothing does occur, for awhile.

Great narration. As an absolutely hack writer, I appreciate the attempt at incredibly witty writing.

Well, that was a little scary.

Who first combined chocolate and pillows? And why? Who thought, “well, I’m hungry for chocolate, but only right before bed. I wish there was a way to have my chocolate ready for me right before bed, even in bed maybe…. Wait a minute.”

I like the indignant engineer. That guy was funny. I’ve never understood why booze is better if it’s more expensive. I mean, cheap beer gets ya drunk too. I’ve always been a quantity over quality man. I have always believed that there was something to be said for more rather than better, which I can only assume has led directly to my more rather than better body type, which I am now trying to rectify. This movie subscribes to the better over more mentality. Most movies overdo the gruesome, and the blood and the running. This movie takes all the things that are scary and uses them patiently, and with absolute perfection.

The movie carries itself out almost perfectly, without any real explanation of why everything is happening. It just sort of scares the shit out of you and then says…. Haha….. gotcha.

Cusack loses 27 pounds through the course of the movie and everyone lives happily ever after… or do they?

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