Step Brothers

Luckily my mom is a lesbian and will never do the things, I don't think anyways, that seem to have taken place during this movie. I do have questions about John C. Reilly. He used to be an actor right, and not Will Farrell's sidekick? 

This movie is amazingly awkward, start to finish. Not to say that it isn't funny. It's just very awkward. When this movie was announced, I became instantly excited, like a young man at a Lil' Kim concert. When I started watching this movie, I became a little less excited. It turns out that the movie is just an hour and a half long version of the trailer. You know when they say that all the funny parts were in the preview? Well, that's more or less true in this movie, and then some. Some of the funny parts that happened in the trailer did not happen in the actual movie. 

Furthermore, I wish that this did in fact take place in my life. I picture my life with my soon to be brother-in-law to be identical to this story. 

I want to own the t-shirts that the two of them wore in this movie.

There should have been less plot to this movie. I know that sounds terrible. This movie should have been just like Jackass, just a series of pranks and such. In fact, I kind of wanted to turn off this movie halfway through and watch Jackass instead. I didn't, but I wanted to. There is a lot of swearing in this movie. I don't fucking mind. It's just a comment. 

You know in most movies, I would think those were fake balls. But since this is Will Farrell, I think those were his actual balls and that disgusts me to a degree I can't even really explain. 

I hope that family dies in a terrible car crash. SHIT, that was close. What else can I wish for that will come true? Somebody kick that kid in the head, and then use the kids body to beat his dad to death. 

How did everybody else learn about the exploding fists all the sudden? I'm pissed about this. I thought this was Neil's thing. I thought this was OUR thing. 

Does that really fix your shoulder?

This movie makes me not want to have kids, in case it turns out that they are like this. 

Do you have any idea how much I would like to get in a fight with a bunch of kids? I would have wrecked those kids. I would have destroyed those kids. I actually really want to fight some kids. Call me crazy, but it's kind of a dream of mine.

SOMEONE needs to buy me a Chewbacca mask, like TODAY!

I actually half-expected Bonnie Rait to come running out of one of the other rooms in the house and drop-kick both of these individuals in the face using boots covered in badgers, COVERED in ACID.

So, as the movie continues, it becomes more and more awkward. It also becomes a little funnier. But mostly, it's just super awkward. I feel that if Pat and I were to move in together again, the result would be this movie. Super awkward.

In the end, this movie is not really funny. It makes you think of anyone over the age of 30 that you know that lives with their parents and then it makes you cry a little on the inside for their souls. 

PAWLP!

WORST climax in film history. Well, one of the worst. Not the worst. But one of the worst. It's up there. 

CENTAURS!??!!?? Are you kidding me? 

This movie was going to get an okay review. Like, this probably would have come in at about 2. But this is like a really terrible dream that a serial bed-wetter would have if he ate a chili and bean burrito at around midnight, then did 37 minutes of high intensity step aerobics, drank an entire bottle of Jack Daniels, watched an episode of The Hills and went to bed with a homeless parapalegic with AIDS on a wet rag covered in very small pebbles and hermit crabs.

1 1/4 Donairs.