Run Fat Boy Run

Amazing really that I hadn't already seen this movie since it actually has my name in the title.

Simon Pegg is a virtual genius. Every time that I hear his name I think of a pirate. I think of a peg-legged pirate, which is NOT funnier than Simon Pegg. 

Thandie Newton is actually made out of wafers. Wafers. She is made entirely out of wafers. She would blow away in a heartbeat.  I would absolutely win a race against a tranny. I know what you're thinking. No Mike. You would actually not win a race against a tranny. Well I would. I would. 

That kid is fantastic. He is wearing my dream outfit. 

Hank Azaria is very funny, and yet he is also a giant douchebag. He is the sleazeball that I've always wanted as a best friend. 

It actually makes me a strange combination of sad and excited to know that I am going to be identical to Simon Pegg as a father. 

Hank Azaria, you have a huge forehead. You virtually have a fivehead. Beautiful shoulders, sleek black hair and well placed ears. HOLY SHIT, I love Hank Azaria. Don't tell anyone I said that. 

I actually hate Thandie Newton. She has a stupid head and in this movie, her hair makes her head look preposterously gigantic. Beyond gigantic actually.

Is this movie supposed to be so terrifyingly sad. Basically, this movie chronicles what would happen if your life fell apart, piece by piece. While I am not experiencing that right this second, I have experienced that and minus Simon Pegg and Hank Azaria, this is exactly what it was like. 

That guy, I don't even know or care what the hell his name is, is a twat. He is a twat in pretty much everything I have ever seen him in. I like when he gets all his limbs ripped off in Shaun of The Dead.

Does everyone who is British have to smoke? Is it mandatory? Is it necessary? Is there some sort of a guide that shows you how to smoke and have poor dental hygiene? What would that book even be called? 

I am definitely going to say things like shithead in front of my child. Come to think of it, while I am watching this movie, I'm actually going to head into the kitchen, grab a knife and a rubber band, come back into the living room and perform a vasectomy. 

There is no way that anyone is THAT hairless. 

Dude... What in the name of anything holy are you doing smacking around your junk with a handful of some sort of powder? 

You should have listened to Hank, about the rubbery legs thing. 

So far this movie is not so much funny as it is AMAZINGLY DEPRESSING. Sure, there are some funny parts, but it is mostly depressing.

THE GUY FROM LITTLE BRITAIN. I love that show.

That kid is wearing the same basic hat that I wear. He's wearing my stupid hat. The one I borrowed... STOLE... from Barrett. 

I only hope that someday I could lock myself out of my house in booty shorts and that a chubby Indian man gives me a stern talking to about sex.

I hope his boat sinks.

That's the grossest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. The SECOND most disgusting fluid I have ever had in my eye? What's the first?

This movie is like Rocky for kind of chubby British smokers, if Rocky was a pussy. 

Hank Azaria is a douche-pickle. Punch him in his beautiful, lovely face Pegg. Do it. Punch him.

This movie drifts in and out between comedy and just terribly sad drama. This movie makes me want to become a marathon runner, but then I remember that I am extremely chubby.

I have always wanted to slap someone in the face. This is one of the greatest fight scenes I have ever seen in my entire life with multiple shots to the balls, all of which look really funny and incredibly painful. 

I've decided that when I have a child, I am going to call that child snotface.

Using a pair of underwear as a blanket just elevated this movie.

Yep. It's official. I'm going to run a marathon. That's right. I am going to get off this couch, I'm going to start training virtually immediately and I am going to run a marathon... probably.... eventually. 

Oh man... They used an actual wall? Terrible. Terribly awesome. 

What is the moral of the story?

I don't know. I think the moral is that if you run a marathon, beautiful women who weigh 46 lbs and have oddly shaped heads will fall madly in love with you. Or will fall BACK into love with you. I guess they have to love you first. 

Alright... so I cried. So what? You would have cried too if you saw this movie. 

High fives for everyone.

Final judgement. This movie is fantastic. And the ending elevates it from a 2 1/2 donair movie to a 2 3/4 donair movie.

Watch it... and start running. That means you Evan.